A, B, C, and Facebook

There are three people, all of whom I personally know, who use Facebook (I have consistently tended to avoid it). To protect their identities, I will take a page out of the old sci-fi/spy TV series The Prisoner and simply refer to them as A, B, and C.

Each of A, B, and C has their own individual Facebook account. A is friends with B and B is friends with C, but A is not friends with C (I certainly wouldn't include C as a "friend" either, although we're on amiable terms). Still, the two know each other mainly from years gone by but are now primarily "connected" due to the fact that B is friends with both. A's social network wouldn't necessarily include B, but sometimes compromises have to be made and B became A's Facebook friend because they are bound together within the same family unit. Also, B's friends generally are not the kind of people that A would want as a Facebook friend...including C. Got all that?

The way Facebook is set up, unless a member takes draconian measures to greatly restrict others' access to their page, parties not considered to be their friends can nevertheless conveniently access their page due to a mutual third party friend, in this case B. This unfortunately allows for a bit of unwelcome snooping, which is probably an unspoken, secret source of appeal for a lot of Facebook users. The imperative "mind your own business" has very few adherents here in this neck of the "Webs".

The other day, A apparently wrote something on A's own Facebook page that C, viewing (or, to put it more accurately, snooping) via B, read and found to be offensive language. C then wrote on A's page a strongly worded, self-righteous rebuke for this. But A wasn't even remotely considering C to be a reader of that message, and C must have known that but decided to butt in anyway. And it's true that C could have accessed A on Facebook via their search engine, but the facts that A and B were family and B was C's friend probably emboldened C to make that post (and made it much more likely that C read A's page in the first place). Keeping up with me? Good, because then you can explain to me what I just said. So...

There are some clear conclusions to be drawn from this. One is that Facebook is a very flawed way to share one's thoughts with others, especially if those thoughts are of an emotional or intimate nature. For unless the user has put major restrictions on access, it must be assumed that, eventually, pretty much anybody will have access. So user beware!

Another pitfall is the use of the designation "friend" to describe someone allowed in another user's personal network. This puts pressure on the user to avoid hurting people's feelings and let them be "friends" when in truth such a title should be handed out with care and good judgement. Also, removing someone from a "friends" list is bound to ruffle some feelings as well, with the implication of personal rejection that it implies. Why not use something neutral, even maybe nonsensical, like "gizmo" or "node" instead of "friend"? After all, I'm not particularly interested in being anyone's "gizmo" to begin with, so ending that relationship wouldn't exactly send me into fits of despair...

Now with this blog of mine being nearly universally accessible on the Internet, you might wonder why I wouldn't want to just transfer it over to Facebook. And you know, I might just try that by deliberately offering links to articles certain to rankle the sensibilities, not necessarily of my small number of Facebook "friends", but rather of the uninvited closet Facebook voyeurs who would access me through others. As a matter of fact, having witnessed Newt Gingrich's feisty performance in that recent GOP debate in South Carolina, I have been inspired: after all, I can do better than some gingry anthropomorphized salamander, for crying out loud!

Wrapping all of this up (which is hard to do because I could keeping going on and on), Facebook itself has some pitfalls that can snare users who are not careful with what they put on it. The solution is two-fold: primarily, users need to grow up, grow some common sense, and start taking personal responsibility about how they express themselves. And Facebook either will change its structure or another competitor will eventually displace it as the primary Internet networking site. As it currently exists, I'm not all that keen on Facebook. But then again, I may have the opposite problem than does A: I haven't yet used it to express myself. Once I do, though, I expect a constant stream of rebukes, not just from C, but also from D, E, F, G, H, ...